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The Irish horse meat Dictionary

Horse meat: An additive to burgers. It is perceptible only by means of DNA testing and/or the use of an electron microscope (except in France where its very colour, taste and hooves trigger the little grey cells of French sleuths).

Money back Guarantee: If you return your complete horse meat beef burger, with its wrapping and a receipt, or other indubitable evidence of purchase from our supermarket, you will receive back your money that you paid to buy the burger in the first place.

Seriously: As in “…we take the safety of our products very seriously…”. We take offence if anyone challenges what we say about our products.

Statement: As in “…issued a statement…” A defence of Irish beef processors by the Minister for Agriculture and Food.

Additive: Stuff found in [Irish, possibly all] beef burgers.

Consumers: People who destroy evidence of wrongdoing by eating beef burgers.

Microscopic: The size of the horse meat portion of Irish beef burgers.

Label: A statement of our sincere beliefs about the contents of our burgers. (Also; A statement of affairs relayed to us by others and sincerely believed by us.)

Accidental: The finding of absence of fraud, malice or greed as will be reached by the investigation, the parameters of which are almost settled.

One Comment

  1. Perhaps Messrs RubberBandits could be persuaded to re-record their song as a new slogan for Irish burgers: “I’ve a horse inside”.