Horse meat: An additive to burgers. It is perceptible only by means of DNA testing and/or the use of an electron microscope (except in France where its very colour, taste and hooves trigger the little grey cells of French sleuths).
Money back Guarantee: If you return your complete horse meat beef burger, with its wrapping and a receipt, or other indubitable evidence of purchase from our supermarket, you will receive back your money that you paid to buy the burger in the first place.
Seriously: As in “…we take the safety of our products very seriously…”. We take offence if anyone challenges what we say about our products.
Statement: As in “…issued a statement…” A defence of Irish beef processors by the Minister for Agriculture and Food.
Additive: Stuff found in [Irish, possibly all] beef burgers.
Consumers: People who destroy evidence of wrongdoing by eating beef burgers.
Microscopic: The size of the horse meat portion of Irish beef burgers.
Label: A statement of our sincere beliefs about the contents of our burgers. (Also; A statement of affairs relayed to us by others and sincerely believed by us.)
Accidental: The finding of absence of fraud, malice or greed as will be reached by the investigation, the parameters of which are almost settled.